“We’re all mad here.”

Alright….so I just started querying and it’s been a process. One that—as a friend told me—is akin to being on a dating app while simultaneously applying for a job. My querying typically looks something like:

1) scrolling through 200 agents on querytracker.com & manuscriptwishlist.com

2) writing down all the names and information to all the ones that i would want to query

3) spending 2 hours querying 5-10 out of those 200 agents through varying formats

4) documenting every query and updating my list

5) stalking my inbox

6) framing the rejections on my wall

7) forget to eat

8) repeat

And, hey, it works! I have a whole routine going, and my sanity has only dropped…by 3% (and counting). Though what do you expect—you never know what the agent is going to want! Some want five pages. Some want ten. Some want fifty. Some want a synopsis. Some want a one-page synopsis. Some want a two-page synopsis. Some want the first chapter pasted into a box that removes all your formatting.

You have to be ready for anything.

Kind of like Boy Scouts.

But also…really not.

If you are going through this as well, then welcome! I know your pain. Every time you submit a query it feels like you have just ripped out a rib, laid it on a silver platter, and handed it over to a stranger—hoping they don’t break it.

Scary.

If you are a reader who was clueless as to what it takes to get a book published, then I greet you with an evil cackle. I echo the Hatter’s words, “we’re all mad here.” Can I let you in on a little secret? Those pages before chapter one? We obsess over those too. Every word on those pages took just as much effort as the rest of the book—and we wrote them for you. Read the acknowledgements, it shows who helped us get the books into your hands. Read the introduction/preface, it’s our way of saying ‘hi’. Read the prologue—okay so i just learned like last month that there are people who skip the prologue—I think I actually cried, that’s like a part of the story…that’s like skipping chapter 1. If the prologue survived revisions, beta readers, agents (many of whom are notoriously hard to win over with prologues), editors, and publishing: chances are it's probably important.

Probably.

If you’re a stranger who is neither a reader nor a writer and somehow found their way into my isolated little corner of the internet (cue epic trailer music)…thank you for being here. I’m sure you want to leave now. But if you haven’t already, then you’re just awesome.

But… if you’d like to hang around—then I would like to welcome you to a crazy world filled with behind-the-scenes publishing chaos, fantasy worldbuilding, the truth of author-life, and the occasional existential crisis over vines on a gate (maybe I’ll tell this full story one day).

Now…if you don’t mind…I have about about 95,000 words to write and not enough time to do so.